What I tried to do was create my own ascx (that's the GalleryLightboxList.ascx
I was talking about) and get the standard ImageGallery control to use that for the "List & Lightbox" display mode. I didn't get that approach to work in the user friendly way I wanted.
Now, none of the standard SF user controls do exactly what you want. I think there is a free user control in the marketplace that could fill your needs. To a look at the following url
to see if I am correct in my assumptions.